( I'M GONNA KEEPING MISSING )

SHE jumped as the sound of footsteps came from behind her. She turned her head and her expression remained blank as she realised who it was. Was he trying to stalk her? He was the last person that she wanted to see right now. He was the reason she was out here in the cold. He was the reason her eyes were red and puffy and black trails of mascara were run down her cheeks. After realising who her company was, she looked forward, straight at the snow covered ground. Her gaze remained there. She would not look at him, she would not speak to him and he would go away. It was likely a fool’s notion because she knew how stubborn Carter was. She knew that he was not one to give up without a fight. If he was, he would have given up on her a long time ago, yet he kept fighting to be a part of her life. Beth could not figure out what it was about her that made him want to be in her life. He had already showed her that she was not someone worth being with. He had already demonstrated how easy it was to replace her. Why was he here asking to be her friend when the girl whom he had loved was long gone. It was scary looking in the mirror and seeing the familiar reflection but having no idea who the person looking back at her was. Beth seemed to have lost all sense of herself and could not seem to figure out how to restore that happy, smiling, fun-loving, optimistic person who was ready to go out into the big, bad world with her heart open, ready to love those who asked for her love and seemed worthy of it. That girl was gone and Beth was desperate to reunite with her.

THE gentle sound of the zipper being lowered could barely be heard over the wind, but Beth still heard it. She was concentrating, hoping to hear the sound of him leaving. No. Instead she heard his jacket being unzipped. She knew it was his jacket because he had placed it on her shoulders as he spoke about her freezing. Beth simply shrugged, causing the jacket to slip off her shoulders, although that had been unintentional. It did little difference. Her body was already freezing and she had just begun to shake. Still, she didn’t notice it. She was so numb by her emotions. She heard the squeak of the swing next to her and still Beth would not look at him. She did not want to speak to him either, but there was no way else to make him leave. “Leave me alone, Carter.” Her words held no malice, no bitterness, no hatred. Her tone was neutral and eerily calm. Beth did not know where this sudden rush of calm came from, but it could be assumed that it arrived with her numbness. She could not find the strength to be angry with him. What upset her more than his company was her broken solitude. She had wanted to be alone, regardless of the fact that she may freeze to death sitting on those swings. The girl would be lucky to avoid the flu, but it was almost certain she would have some kind of cold with the way she was dressed in the current weather. Although her voice ran clearly in her ears, sounding a normal volume, it was low. Her words were soft, which was another reason to worry. Beth was rarely quiet. Her words were strong, easily heard, no matter what she was and to whom. She was quiet, she was calm and she was deeply distressed. One did not have to know her to see that.

IT was unfortunate that she happened to be in such a state, particularly at such a stressful time. She had finals and as it was her senior year, she could not afford to mess up. She should have been in her dorm studying, yet she was here, wondering if Carter would obey her request of leaving her alone. Her hands were still frozen to the cold metal and they were beginning to turn purple from the cold. It was a dangerous sign, but she had failed to notice. She failed to notice everything except for the way each snowflake touched the ground gently. That was where her attention lay. She could not care less about her health and about her emotional wellbeing. There was nothing to fix how she felt emotionally except a giant body of Jack Daniels or some similar brand of alcohol. “Haven’t you caused enough damage?” She spoke up once more in that quiet, eerily calm voice. She had not been aware of her desire to speak, but the words emerged. What else was there to say? She had a good feeling there would be no other way to make him leave. Making Carter feel guilty was usually the only way to get him to leave. However, she was not planning to go that far. If he would not leave, she would ignore him. She doubted he would force his words upon her. If he were going to, he would’ve done it already. Besides, she didn’t know what else he could say. He seemed to have said everything he could possibly say. That explained why he had kept repeating himself, stating that he needed her in his life. Beth did not see it that way. He had demonstrated the complete opposite. She doubted she would ever be able to believe he needed her again.

THE warmth of his body penetrated the numbness and Beth could not find it to tell him to not touch her, as she normally would have done. She continued to stay at the snow, but with him in front of her, her eyes were now locked on his knees. The slight pain of his skin being removed from the cold metal barely fazed her. Physical pain was nothing to her. She had hurt herself before, much more pain that what she was experiencing now and none of that physical pain matched the emotional heartache. Beth was so desensitised. She was not numb enough to ignore the warmth of his hands and his breath on her hands. She had not realised how cold they were until his hands had encased them. She should have protested. It was not his job to take care of her. He had no right to be touching her either. That right had been lost three years ago, but she couldn’t find it in her to do so. She was so drained emotionally. If he had not come along, she would’ve sat there until she developed hypothermia. She allowed her hands to drop onto her legs when he let go and moved behind her. She heard the ruffle of his jacket and she knew what was happening. She did not assist him. Beth sat motionless as he moved her arms into the jacket, effectively dressing her. She was so lifeless. Her eyes were dull and blank. They portrayed no sign of emotion or even thoughts. She was just in that moment with no feelings, no thoughts, no movements except the rise and fall of her chest as she took small breaths. It was hard to believe she was still alive. She was so pale from the cold and she looked so... dead. It was true. At the moment, she was emotionally dead. She felt nothing.

BUMBLEBEE. The nickname brought so many memories flooding back. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest. He was the only one who had ever been able to call her bumblebee. Her mother had tried and failed. Her father had also tried and failed miserably. Carter had gotten away with it. It was still unknown to her how he had gotten away with call her bumblebee, but Beth had loved it. It was like a way of showing the world that she belonged to him and him to her. That simple name was involved in so many of her happier memories. Beth should have scolded him for it, but hearing it again in person was overwhelming and even if she had the will to speak, she wouldn’t have been able to. His arms were wrapped tightly around her and her eyes closed when she caught a hint of that familiar scent. She should not have allowed herself to be in this position. She would torture herself with this. She was still limp against his body. She could not react, even if she wanted to. She had no will to push him away, no will to hug him back, no will to scold him from touching her. She spoke one word. “Carter?” The question escaped her and she did not even know what she was asking him. It could’ve been why he was here? Why was he behaving the way he was? Did he ever think about them? Did he realise just how much hearing him call her ‘bumblebee’ would affect her tomorrow? It was up to how Carter interpreted it. Part of her was hoping he would tell her he thought about her and how he had wanted to hold her again. It was not something that should’ve crossed her mind, but she was only human. She had her faults. She had her weaknesses. It just happened to be that Carter was her biggest weakness.

THE movement was sudden and Beth did not expected to be lifted and cradled against his body. The movement was familiar. He had done this often when she was half-asleep and he would carry her to bed. Those were more familiar memories that were flooding back and she closed her eyes, willing her emotions away. She had appeared weak, but she wouldn’t in front of him. “Where are we going?” She knew he wanted to take her somewhere warm, but she did not want to be seen in public with him. If no one else knew, no one could remind her. She could just pretend it had all been some dream. Besides, she was not fit for contact with other people. “Can you put me down please? I can walk, Carter.” Usually a comment like that one would’ve been filled with anger and resentment, but her voice was still icy cold and eerily calm. She did not struggle as she normally would’ve done. She simply let him carry her, but she did hope that he would respect her wishes and put her down. She did not appreciate being treated like a child. She was emotionally wounded, not crippled. Besides, she did no trust him to not take her somewhere she didn’t want to go. Beth wanted to continue to walk places, to let her mind go blank. She did not want to be forced to endure the company of Carter and have more memories brought to the surface. She had been working so hard to suppress them and he brought them flooding back with the simplest of gestures and the least of words. It was easier to just stay away from him. Beth was finished remembering what had happened. She was desperate to forget. She wanted to wipe that one year period from her mind and she could not do that in his company. The only thing that could possibly be worse would be him talking about the good times they had shared. Beth just might lose it if that was to happen.

SHE simply shrugged. It was the only reaction she could think of even performing. She did not know what she had wanted to ask him. Instead of trying to think of something, she allowed him to pick her up, although her protests were soon heard. He was taking her somewhere warm? Where was that? She didn’t ask. She just asked him to place her down, but that was also denied. Why did he have to play the role of macho man? She was fine, if not a bit cold. Beth barely felt it. She felt fine and would be fine continuing her long walk. No, Carter had to suddenly become overprotective. Why was she allowing him to do this? Beth should have been protesting, whining, but truthfully, she had no energy. It was easier to just let him be nice to her and protect her the way he wanted to. She gave up. She allowed him to carry her, his body warming her and her face buried in his chest, inhaling that overly familiar, somewhat comforting scent that made her heart pound awkwardly. This was a bad position for her to be in. There was so many memories that include her in his embrace. There was the time he had picked her up like this to throw her in the pool on campus. She remembered catching hints of his scent when he crept up behind her to wrap his arms around her waist, pick her up and spin her around. She remembered it whenever she was held close and she buried her face into his neck and just breathed. Beth missed it. There was no denying it, but she was not going to break down. She was going to be strong and continue to pretend that she did not need him. There was no doubt it would be a lot harder now that she had reminders of him.

AS they approached the large house that now belonged to Carter, Beth was honestly surprised and happy for him. It was nice that he could afford to live in such luxury. For selfish reasons, she was glad that he did move. She could not have handled it if they had been returning to his old apartment. There were so many memories there and Beth was not sure if she could have dealt with that. It was not something she had to worry about now. “You can put me down.” Those words were spoken as he tried to keep her in his arms and open the door at the same time. She was not going to run away. She didn’t have the energy and it would just result in an argument she had no energy for. Beth was sick at heart. She had no emotion left to fight. All the anger and frustration had been cried out. It had been lost as she sat in the cold on that swing. Of course, it would come back. It was never gone for too long. That was the experience she’d had with her emotions. She found temporary relief in drinking, or a warm body moving inside of her and with her. Sometimes she just broke down, like she had done tonight. It all offered her some temporary relief from the intense cycle of feelings but it returned. It was exhausting and she was honestly sick and tired of it all. Sometimes, she wished she could go back and change things. She would change meeting Carter. She would change her accepting his request for a date. That single date had started it all. She despised herself for her stupidity, but how was she to know? The door was opened and they were inside and Beth found herself looking at the splendour of his new accommodation. What a lucky bastard.

HALLWAY, bedroom, bathroom was what she noticed as they moved. Finally, he sat her down and went about setting up a bath for her. She did not need him to do this for her. Why did he care so much? This was not what she needed him showing her. She did not need him to be showing her genuine concern and affection. This was a recipe for false hope and more disappointment. She was stupid for not getting up and leaving. She would regret this in the morning. Right now, she just watched him fill up the huge tub and she turned to face him when he spoke. “This isn’t necessary. I’m fine.” She obviously did not feel her body still shaking. Something could have plunged a knife into her stomach and she likely would not have felt a thing. The girl was just there. She neither felt physically nor emotionally. The tub filled and she watched Carter. He rose, but did not leave. He was waiting for something. Beth knew what he was waiting for and she too rose and unzipped his jacket. The moment she began to slide it off her shoulders, he urged her to enjoy the bath and then disappeared. She bit her lip and sighed. She might as well take him off on the offer. She knew he would continue to bug her until she did. She slipped off his jacket before moving to sit on the toilet seat. She pulled off her boots and then her socks. Slipping her shirt over her head, she finally rose to unbutton and unzip her jeans before pushing them off her legs. She then unclasped her bra and her slid out of her panties, leaving all her clothes in a messy piles. She slipped into the bath, letting out a slight moan of pain as the hot water burned through her numbness. Before she sank down into it, she piled her hair in a messy bun on top of her head and sunk into the bubbles. She would enjoy this.

HEARING his words from outside the bathroom door, she let out a noise of confirmation to let him know that she had heard him. She heard his heavy footsteps around his bedroom, but she ignored it as she sat in the bath and let it pierce through her numbness and hopefully warm her a little bit. It had been too long since she’d had a bath. Lately, Beth had found that if she didn’t keep herself occupied her thoughts wandered to places she would rather not have them go. She showered because there was little time for her thoughts to wander. However, her mind was blissfully blank as the warm water soothed her aching muscles and warmed her chilled body. She was simply enjoying the sensation as Carter bustled around downstairs, that unknown to her. She recalled the last time she had taken a bath. It was after an epic snow battle with Carter. He had drawn a bath for her and had sat down to talk to her. Of course, he had ended up soaked because she had splashed him. A mini water fight had resulted in a make out session. She missed those days. It was undeniable, but she would hold her strong facade. Beth was good at pretending. She had to be. She had pretending for so long that Carter hadn’t bothered her. She had pretended that she hated him, while she still loved him desperately. People were right when they said their first love never really faded. Beth wasn’t sure if she would ever stop loving him. She snapped herself out of it the moment her thoughts headed in that direction. She rose from the bath and stepped out of it, determined to do something that would stop her thinking about him in that way. It would be her downfall. Beth was smart enough to realise that.

TOWEL in hand, Beth set about drying herself. She sat in the bathroom for a moment, the towel wrapped around her as she listened for footsteps or any sign of Carter. She heard nothing, so she felt it safe to quickly pick up the clothing that he had laid out for her. It was his clothing of course. It had been so long since she had worn anything that belonged to him. She had long since thrown out all of the clothing that she had gathered of his over the year their relationship had lasted. She had wanted no reminder of him, so she destroyed them, except one necklace he had given her and a few of the pictures of them together. She kept them in a box and sometimes she worse the necklace, but those occasions were rare. She needed to have some physical sign of him, but nothing she could see in everyday life. It needed to be something she could tuck away. She dressed in his clothes and she was overwhelmed by the smell of him. She bit her lip to keep from smiling. She wouldn’t allow herself to do so. Instead, she moved to the mirror and observed her reflection. She still had makeup smudged down her face. Any sign of a smile faded as she placed some cool water on her face to reduce the redness and so that she could begin to scrub the makeup away with her fingers. It kept her distracted and she heard footsteps as she finished. She ignored them, as her hands reached up to untie her hair and let the blonde locks fall around her face. Beth ran her fingers through her hair, trying to tidy it up a bit. The wind had blown her hair all over the place, so it needed to be fixed. A few moments passed and there was a knock at the bathroom door. Carter.

WITHOUT turning away from the mirror she called, “Come in,” still with the eerily calm voice of hers. It was emotionless. She turned to face Carter as he crossed the room in a few long strides, questioning her as he came. “I’m fine,” she replied simply, not aware of how cold she still was. She felt fine. She watched him as he gathered her clothes up and she felt no embarrassment of the fact that he was handling her underwear. She mentally shrugged it off and turned back to the mirror as he walked out once more. She had fixed her hair, or as much as she could given the circumstances, and turned to face him once more as he entered the bathroom. What did he want? What happened surprised her. He moved across to pull her into an embrace. She was surprised, but made no effort to remove herself from his embrace or to hug him back. She stood there, somewhat awkwardly until he released her and spoken. She would have rolled her eyes had she been able to muster the energy. “Carter, I’m fine.” Of course, Carter was not listening to her. He didn’t seem to ever listen. She was getting tired of being babied and being treated like she couldn’t walk, but she let him do it. Beth was tired of fighting him. She was tired of the harsh words and right now, it was just easier to give in. She allowed him to scoop her off her feet, but she did say, “I have legs. I can walk.” She didn’t expect him to respond to that, so she let him move her to his bed and place here there. She was surprised at how soft and comfortable it was. She should have protested about being in his bed but she enjoyed the comforting feeling of the big, soft bed.

AS if that weren’t enough, Carter insisted on pulling the blankets up for her. He was obviously concerned about something and was enjoying babying her. Beth couldn’t bring herself to protest because one: she didn’t want an argument; and two: she liked being with him again. It was weak and it was foolish, but she could not help the way she felt. She ignored it. It was easier to do that and to be faced with a familiar rush of feelings and how much she missed him taking care of her. She hadn’t noticed the tray until it was in his hands and he was bringing it over. “I’m fine, Carter. You didn’t need to do this.” He seemed to still be ignoring her, when he asked about the movie. She just shrugged and waved it off. That was her way of telling him just to pick something. She looked at the soup and it smelled so good that she raised the spoon and tasted it. The sensation of it burning down her throat to her stomach wasn’t unpleasant in her state. It reminded her that she was indeed alive and it was warming her. She continued to tuck in. After a few moments, she lifted the teacup to her lips and sipped. Carter still remembered how she liked her tea, after this long. She was touched, but said nothing to him. She lowered the cup as he moved to crawl into the bed beside her. She looked up at the screen to see what movie he had put it. Titanic? That brought more memories flooding back. “I thought you didn’t like this movie?” She looked at him, as she spoke and moved closer to her, probably in an attempt to warm her with his body heat. “I’m fine.” She was tired of repeating those two words, but he would not seem to listen to her. “At least wait until I’m done with this?” she asked him. She just wanted him to move away from her. She could hardly think or breathe with him that close to her once more.

HIS goals were being achieved. No matter how much she had wanted to ignore him, or how much she was determined to hate him, she couldn’t. She could not hate him; she could not be upset, not after what he was doing for her. She could see genuine concern in his eyes and she knew that he was doing this to take care of her by the insistent way he would question her wellbeing and the frown that crossed his handsome features when she insisted that she was fine. It was warming her previously ice cold heart and the numbing feeling she had felt in the park was gone as she lay in bed next to him, eating the soup and drinking the tea. “I can’t believe you remembered how I like it.” The words were spoken unintentionally as she took yet another sip of the tea. She may not have meant to speak them, but the meaning behind the words was meant. She hadn’t expected him to remember a simple detail like he had. Was it a sign that he still cared for her? Was it possible to get back to the way things were? Of course, the thoughts crossing her mind caused her to curse internally. She should not have been thinking those things. They weren’t even friends. Beth wasn’t sure what they were. They were not enemies, not after this display. They weren’t friends, they weren’t lovers. Beth did not try and label what they happened to be right now, simply because it was confusing and they did not fit into any category she could lay out, except ex’s. She couldn’t believe they were over. With the feelings being demonstrated, surely Carter had to feel something for her. Each time she thought about it, she cursed herself. She had to ignore that possibility. She would not risk getting hurt again.

HER eyes flickered from the television screen to the bowl in front of her, to Carter and back again. How did she end up here? How did an argument bring her here? Her mind searched for an answer but she was unable to come up with one. Confusion settled and her mind was spinning. If only she was able to relax and just enjoy the situation. She was terrified of what would happen. However, she felt so lucky to have this one chance to be here again. She had missed him, being close to him and wearing his clothes. She had missed watching movies and talking all night. She had missed him and the way he made her laugh. She had missed their friendship, as well as their relationship. Maybe this was what she needed to heal, but she couldn’t help but think how she would feel to have to watch him with other girls, knowing that she was nothing but a friend. She pushed them to the back of her mind and just focussed on eating. She was so focussed that she emptied the bowl and then went to drinking the tea. She sipped it, savouring each taste as she watched the opening of Titanic. It had just reached the part where the safe had been found and the drawing of Rose would be revealed. Beth knew the movie well and she enjoyed it. She concentrated on it, simply to stop her mind from spinning out of control with crazy thoughts. “It isn’t that bad is it?” Yes, it was a chick flick, but there was suspense that still got her, no matter how many times she watched the movie. She was glad that every time she watched it with Carter, they ended up getting distracted before the end because she always ended up in tears. “I think you like it,” she teased, not knowing where it had come from. It felt so comfortable, so natural.

THE teacup was set down a short while later after she finished her tea. It didn’t seem to escape Carter as he soon picked up the tray and moved it. Without any words of protest from her, she allowed him to pull her close to him. She sank down into the pillows and let the warmth and familiarity of his body wash over her. For the first time in a long time, she felt content. She felt safe. It was like nothing and no one would hurt her while she was in his embrace. The familiar feeling of being loved and cared for washed over her and she knew that it would hurt her once it ended and that she knew she would never have him hold her again. She bit down on her lip, her eyes closing as his face buried in her hair and his lips pressed against the side of her head. Why was she doing this to herself? It would end in disappointment and hurt, but Beth didn’t care. It had been so long since she had been in an intimate embrace such as this one. It was innocent, but the emotions coursing through her were intense. His hand moved to her face and lifted her head and she found herself staring into his eyes. His intense steel blue eyes locked on hers and she barely heard his question. “I’m...” She couldn’t complete her sentence. She stared up at him, words not needing to be spoken. Her eyes said it all. She wanted this to be the way they were. She wanted to tell him she had missed him, she loved him and she wanted things to once again be the way they were. She searched his eyes in return. She was looking for signs that he felt the same way. It was false hope once more, but she was beyond caring. His embrace and his intense gaze were too much for her. She was lost, speechless and flooded with familiar feelings that she had not felt in too long.

BETH was not pushing away any anger she felt towards him. She just did not know how to be angry with him in a situation like this. How could she push him away when he was obviously concerned about her wellbeing? If Beth were stronger, she would have pushed him away. She would have gotten up and left, regardless of the time, the weather and her current situation with her body temperature. She should have gotten up and left his home, forgotten his company, his scent, the way he laughed. None of that was good for her to see or remember. The poor girl would torture herself tomorrow. She would regret her decision and her heart would pine for him, more than she already had. Beth wanted her second chance, her chance to make things right and to make him realise that he could love her, more than he could possibly love Abby. She wanted to show him that she was the right one for him. Deep down, the logical part of her knew it was unnecessary. If he loved her more than Abby, he would’ve come back to her. He would’ve tried harder. Deep down, Beth knew it was over. She knew it over forever and that things would never, ever be the same, no matter how hard they tried. No matter how hard she tried, things would not go back to how they were, but she was clinging to hope, no matter how hard she tried not to. That could have been why it was so hard for her to move on. Things had ended so abruptly. She had not gotten closure, she had not seen for herself that things would never be the same again. However, Beth knew she would never get that chance again. Carter did not want to give it and Beth was too proud to ask.

PLAYFUL banter, the warmth of his body and his laughing voice was too much for her to handle at the moment. Beth should have fled, but she settled further into the embrace, letting him hold her close and bury his face in her hair like he used to. She remembered endless nights of her falling asleep with his face in her hair, his hand holding hers and their bodies entwined. She missed feeling safe and loved before she drifted off and that being the first feeling she felt upon waking. It was a pity that those days were over. She would give anything to have them back. She didn’t speak. She let the memories wash over her, one memory in particular. It had been the first night she had spent at his house. They had been talking, not realising how late it had gotten. Beth had fallen asleep against his chest. She had woken up with a warm body beside her and his gentle breathing easing her back to sleep. She had gone back to sleep with that warm body holding her close, safe and warm. She had woken up later, that same body still holding her, but this time, words were being muttered into her ear. He was telling her how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to have her. Recalling that particular memory made her heart pound in her chest and she looked away from him, holding back her tears. Beth needed to feel that once more. She needed to remember what it had been like to be that girl, so desperately in love for the first time, so happy and content with the world and her life. She had been so ready to open her heart to him, but now Beth just wanted to keep herself closed off and protected. She did not know who she could trust with anything and it scared her. She felt alone.

ROUGH fingers caressing her face has never felt so gentle, so warm, so right. She had missed the small gestures. She couldn’t finish her thoughts, which was likely why he had questioned her. Bumblebee: it brought a small smile to her face. She looked up at him, smiling at him for the first time in years. She just shook her head. It was a sign that there was nothing wrong with her, words were required not at the moment. She was silent, watching the emotions fill him; although she was unaware it was mostly concern and caring. It was not love, not the fact that he missed her as much as she missed him. She must have been delusional to imagine it was. The only thing she would be grateful for in the morning was the fact that she did not tell him right then that she was still desperately in love with him. That was one thing that Beth would not allow herself to do. She may have been foolish, she may have been irrational, but she still had her pride and she would not do that to herself. His face moved closer and the temptation was overwhelming. After a few moments, she found herself with her lips against his and no recollection of her thinking that she was going to kiss him. It had been an immediate gesture and she had no idea when she had done it, or how long she had been kissing him before her brain caught up with her. She didn’t care. Her mind went blank and her arms slipped around his neck. All the feelings of the past three years were released in that kiss. In that kiss, she was telling him she loved him, she had missed him and she would give her right leg to have him back in her life. Whatever the price, she would pay it, just to hear him say that he loved her, at least once.

ROLLING away from him, Beth brought Carter down so that he was laying on top of her. The familiar feeling of his body on top of hers was a feeling she welcomed, as she continued to kiss him. She revelled in the fact that he was kissing her back and his hands were wandering. Her mind was blissfully blank, but the blonde would be torturing herself later for giving in, for being weak. Beth did not know why, but she just needed to feel some sign of his caring for her. It came from his touch, his kiss, his embrace and the soft words being muttered into her ear when his lips finally moved from hers to her jaw, her neck, her earlobe. She was familiar with what he liked to do in a situation like this. Honestly, Beth did not care how far this went. She wanted one reminder, one memory she could hold with her. She wanted to feel him moving with her, look into his eyes and let him know that she still cared about him. His hand had just moved inside of her shirt and in typical Carter fashion, he questioned her desire for him, for this moment. Moving his head, she looked at him and muttered, “I want you, one last time.” She kissed him and that started a whirlwind of sensations, both physical and emotional. Clothes were removed, kisses were shared, as they moved together, gently, sensually, a mark of their feelings for each other, or at least that’s how Beth interpreted it. It was not a simple physical attraction. It was deeper than that and Beth held that close to her heart. A glimmer of hope was the last thing on her mind as she drifted off to sleep, his naked body pressed against hers, holding her close.