( I'M GONNA KEEPING MISSING )

[bethany paige kennedy]

i wake up and teardrops
THEY FALL DOWN LIKE RAIN. I PUT ON THAT OLD SONG...

SIGNING off, the first thing she did was throw the glass that was sitting next to her against the nearest wall. Hearing it splinter into thousands of pieces made her feel a little better. She hadn't thrown it because she was mad at Carter, she had thrown it because she was mad at herself and at the tears streaming down her face. He should not have been able to affect her like that. It had been so long since Beth had shed any tears and she was openly crying now. She lifted a hand to her face to wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks. Feeling the dampness settle on her fingers frustrated her and she picked up another piece of glassware and threw it. The shatter was soothing and if she were not afraid of trashing her dormitory she would have continued. She could not sit here and pretend everything was fine any longer. Beth felt like her heart had been ripped out all over again. She did not think that someone could still hold that much power over her, but it was possible. Every word he had uttered, every time he told her of his desire to be her friend, her heart ached. That’s all they would ever be now. Carter wanted nothing from her but friendship, the one thing she couldn’t offer him. She could not simply be his friend because that meant having to hear him tell her about how much he wanted to be with Abby, whether he used those words or not. Beth wasn’t a stupid girl. She knew what a friendship like that with Carter would involve and she wasn’t ready to deal with it. She would never be ready to see him love another. It pained her to know that Carter just couldn’t grasp how painful it would be for her to be around him. He didn’t understand and he probably never would.

THE love she felt for him wouldn’t cease. He was the first person outside of her family whom she had told she loved. He was special to her in every sense of the word. Beth had thought that maybe she had found the love of her life. At nineteen, it was a foolish notion, but she had been so ready to accept that she had found someone so perfect. Had she known what would happen, she would not have thrown herself so whole-heartedly into that relationship. Maybe her heart would be broken beyond repair and she would still have some measure of her old life. After Carter, Beth lost everything. She couldn’t trust her friends because she didn’t know how they would betray her. She couldn’t trust anyone new because all new relationships she made just seemed to fall apart. She wasn’t pleasant to be around. She was bitter, she was angry, she was hurting and she took it out on other people for a long time. If there was one thing she didn’t know how to handle, it was all the anger, frustration and disappointment she had kept bottled up inside of her. She did not know how to release it. Beth had tried by hating Carter and it hadn’t worked. Even hating Abby for what happened hadn’t gone to plan. She was still bitter. She was still resenting the world for what had happened. She needed some form of closure, but didn’t know what it was. In theory, being friends with Carter may be a good thing for her, but Beth wasn’t ready to risk the hurt that may come with his friendship. She still loved him, even if she was too proud to admit it. She wanted him in her life, but being his friend wasn’t an option. She would not watch him love someone else, no matter how much she wanted to be able to say that he was at least a part of her life.

SITTING still was quickly becoming too much for her. She had to get up and do something. Without grabbing a jacket, she left her dorm and made her way into the snow. She hadn’t realised it was snowing, but she was beyond caring. The cold cut through her, but she would not turn around to get off the campus. If she’d had the choice, she would have transferred. New Haven had too many memories. There were memories of Carter all over the campus and all over the city. She wanted nothing more than to just wipe her mind clean, to cut him out of her mind. She wanted to forget. She wanted the heartache to stop. No matter how much Beth wanted those things, they would not be achieved. Tears were still streaming down her face, the bitter winds and freezing temperature freezing the tears to her face. Her cheeks were tinged a deep pink, both by her tears and the cold. She paced quickly across the campus and out into the town. Her destination? Honestly, she had no clue. She just let her feet lead her to wherever they wanted to go, despite the freezing cold. She found herself in a park in one of the lower class neighbourhoods. She was cold, she was hurting, yet she wouldn’t turn around. She moved to the park and sat on one of the swings. She grasped the cold metal, not caring that her hands would stick to it. She had no problem ripping her hand free of the cold metal. Physical pain was nothing, as people who see by the various scars on her thighs and forearms should she have not had a long sleeved shirt and jeans on.

BETH simply sat on that swing set. Her hands were numb, but the feeling escaped her because she was numb. Her tears had stopped, not by desire, but because of the lack of tears that were left to shed. She was shaking, but that was not something that poor girl was aware of. Beth was lost and she didn’t know what to do with herself any longer. It may have been three years, but her wounds were still fresh and she did not know how to heal them. Carter was right. Beth did need someone, but the girl was too stubborn and too afraid to accept help from anyone. She was so paranoid of people hurting her that Beth was holding everyone at arm’s length. She didn’t trust anyone, not even her own family. She couldn’t. Her logic pointed out that she was better off on her own. She couldn’t hurt herself the way other people could. She could not cause the heartache that other’s could. Beth drove people away for her own protection. It was irrational, illogical, but it kept her heart protected and that was the one thing Beth wanted. She wanted to save herself from further heartache, but nothing was helping to heal the one she was suffering. Unknown to the poor girl, she did need someone to help her. The best thing for Beth would be a friend, but she did not allow herself any real friends. She had acquaintances, people she slept with and people she partied with. She did not have anyone to confide in, or to comfort her as she cried. She had given all of those people up three years ago.

[/b][/color][/font] carter hoffman / kelley
STATUS complete
WORD COUNT one thousand two hundred and sixteen
OUTFIT check it out
LYRIC CREDIT these days, rascal flatts
TEMPLATE CREDIT NIE SAYS RAWR ?! @ caution 2.0
NOTES i hate writing for beth. she makes me want to cry.[/ul][/blockquote][/size][/font]

[carter anthony hoffman]

there's no excuse, no explanation, believe

[/i][/size][/font][/color]
ME IF I COULD UNDO WHAT I DID WRONG I WOULD
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TAG: BETHANY KENNEDY . LOCATION: THE PARK
OUTFIT: HERE . WORD COUNT: ONE TWO THREE FOUR
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The week in Los Angeles with Abby had been just what the pair needed to get back on their route to actually being friends once more. Sure it had been a hard week with Carter’s bitch of a mother in the hospital and with her constant nagging and degrading of him but the young man had made it through in one piece. His flight had just come in a few hours previously and after dropping Abby off at her home and spending a hour or so more with her the athlete decided to go back to his house to unpack and relax. It hadn’t taken long considering the fact he just threw all his dirty clothes into the hamper and then stepped into the glass box otherwise known as his shower. He decided on only taking a short one though and emerged no more than ten minutes later, dried off, wrapped a towel around his waist and then proceeded to go into his bedroom so that he could get some clothes out to get dressed in. His attire was simple, a pair of jeans, a shirt, a sweatshirt and of course a pair of socks and sneakers were slipped onto his feet as well. Carter figured that he’d go for a walk later on or maybe go and visit a friend, he wasn’t sure yet but he did know one thing and that was he hated staying alone in his house so he would go and find somewhere else to be until he was tired enough to go to sleep. Carter had first opted to sign onto his laptop to see if there was anyone worth talking to and lo and behold his ex-girlfriend from nearly four years ago, Bethany, decided to instant message him. That was odd, eh?

The conversation the two of them shared was like every other one. She was bitching at him and her bitterness was practically seething through each and every word that she typed. He never knew that one girl who had at one time been so incredibly amazing, so beautiful and carefree, so … so opposite of this girl that she had become. Carter didn’t even know whom this female that he was talking to anymore. Whenever he would see her at Yale when he was walking through the halls he almost cringed at the sight. She was no longer happy and smiling, she barely had any friends, and she was just completely different. It was like part of her had died since their breakup, since he had cheated on her. The young man was trying to reason with her, trying to find any way possible to get her back into his life but nothing he did or said seemed good enough. She wanted nothing to do with him at all and he knew that one day he would have to accept that but right now he couldn’t, not until he tried to make things right between them. Finally after what seemed like an hour of arguing with her he told her he was done and then Carter slammed his laptop closed, he couldn’t deal with this right now. He couldn’t deal with more mistakes that he had made in his life. Obviously the man had issues when it came to relationships, really big issues that completely affected everything he did and were always coming back to bite him in the ass. After letting out a sigh and grabbing his favorite jacket Carter slid it over his broad shoulders and after grabbing his keys slammed the front door as he exited and made his way down the walkway. He needed to go for a walk and he needed to center his thoughts.

No matter how much time passed it would seem that things could not be healed. Well, maybe some things could be but the way that Carter had screwed over Beth, the way that he had cheated on her he didn’t realize that it would affect her so badly. When all of it had happened he didn’t even think about the effect it would have on her but now that it was nearly four years later and she was still bitter and wanted to kill him, at least that was what the ex-football star saw. He was still beating himself up over everything that he had done to hurt her, everything that had caused her pain but he didn’t know how to make things right no matter how hard he tried. He tried being her friend, he tried apologizing, he tried buying her gifts and he tried not being in her life but no matter what he did she didn’t change, in fact he only saw that she got worse over the years. It was something that he knew was entirely his fault and if he could go back in time and fix it he would. There was none of that though seeing how there was no such thing as a time machine and apparently there was no way to get Bethany back to how she used to be. It was kind of depressing to think that he was the cause for all the female’s pain, for all her heartache and bitterness. Carter knew that there was no one else to blame but himself for the incident although he was pretty sure that Beth blamed Abby as well even though it wasn’t her fault. From the young man’s point of view it had all been his doing and that was that even if his ex-girlfriend, Bethany, did not believe it.

Carter remained silent as he walked through the town. It was dark out and it was freezing but luckily he was bundled up enough so that he would not catch a cold, at least he hoped that he wouldn’t. Shoving his hands deep within the pocket of his jacket he let out an exasperated sigh as he tried to piece things together within his mind. There were so many things going on now, issues with Abby, issues with Beth, issues with Taryn and issues with the girl that had walked out of his life, Rae. He was starting to realize that no matter what he did it seemed like he was always screwing up in one way or another. Maybe his mother was right when she told him that all he would ever be was a screw up, all he would ever be was a worthless piece of trash from a lower class neighborhood in downtown Los Angeles. Maybe it was time that he needed to face the truth; he was the cause of pain in most people’s lives. Abby, Taryn, Rae and whomever else he had affected by being an asshole. Carter hadn’t even been paying attention to where he had been walking until he heard the squeak of a rusty chain and his gaze lifted from the ground in time to catch a familiar figure sitting on a swing. Moving closer he remained silent just watching her, trying to make sure it was whom he thought it was before approaching her. Bringing his hands out of his jacket he brought them up to the zipper, unzipped it and slid it off of his body before approaching the female and draping said jacket over her shoulders. “You’re going to freeze to death.

[/color]” He spoke up before moving over to the swing beside her and dropping down onto it.[/justify][/blockquote]

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notes: that word count is a win. x]

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[bethany paige kennedy]

i wake up and teardrops
THEY FALL DOWN LIKE RAIN. I PUT ON THAT OLD SONG...

SHE jumped as the sound of footsteps came from behind her. She turned her head and her expression remained blank as she realised who it was. Was he trying to stalk her? He was the last person that she wanted to see right now. He was the reason she was out here in the cold. He was the reason her eyes were red and puffy and black trails of mascara were run down her cheeks. After realising who her company was, she looked forward, straight at the snow covered ground. Her gaze remained there. She would not look at him, she would not speak to him and he would go away. It was likely a fool’s notion because she knew how stubborn Carter was. She knew that he was not one to give up without a fight. If he was, he would have given up on her a long time ago, yet he kept fighting to be a part of her life. Beth could not figure out what it was about her that made him want to be in her life. He had already showed her that she was not someone worth being with. He had already demonstrated how easy it was to replace her. Why was he here asking to be her friend when the girl whom he had loved was long gone. It was scary looking in the mirror and seeing the familiar reflection but having no idea who the person looking back at her was. Beth seemed to have lost all sense of herself and could not seem to figure out how to restore that happy, smiling, fun-loving, optimistic person who was ready to go out into the big, bad world with her heart open, ready to love those who asked for her love and seemed worthy of it. That girl was gone and Beth was desperate to reunite with her.

THE gentle sound of the zipper being lowered could barely be heard over the wind, but Beth still heard it. She was concentrating, hoping to hear the sound of him leaving. No. Instead she heard his jacket being unzipped. She knew it was his jacket because he had placed it on her shoulders as he spoke about her freezing. Beth simply shrugged, causing the jacket to slip off her shoulders, although that had been unintentional. It did little difference. Her body was already freezing and she had just begun to shake. Still, she didn’t notice it. She was so numb by her emotions. She heard the squeak of the swing next to her and still Beth would not look at him. She did not want to speak to him either, but there was no way else to make him leave. “Leave me alone, Carter.” Her words held no malice, no bitterness, no hatred. Her tone was neutral and eerily calm. Beth did not know where this sudden rush of calm came from, but it could be assumed that it arrived with her numbness. She could not find the strength to be angry with him. What upset her more than his company was her broken solitude. She had wanted to be alone, regardless of the fact that she may freeze to death sitting on those swings. The girl would be lucky to avoid the flu, but it was almost certain she would have some kind of cold with the way she was dressed in the current weather. Although her voice ran clearly in her ears, sounding a normal volume, it was low. Her words were soft, which was another reason to worry. Beth was rarely quiet. Her words were strong, easily heard, no matter what she was and to whom. She was quiet, she was calm and she was deeply distressed. One did not have to know her to see that.

IT was unfortunate that she happened to be in such a state, particularly at such a stressful time. She had finals and as it was her senior year, she could not afford to mess up. She should have been in her dorm studying, yet she was here, wondering if Carter would obey her request of leaving her alone. Her hands were still frozen to the cold metal and they were beginning to turn purple from the cold. It was a dangerous sign, but she had failed to notice. She failed to notice everything except for the way each snowflake touched the ground gently. That was where her attention lay. She could not care less about her health and about her emotional wellbeing. There was nothing to fix how she felt emotionally except a giant body of Jack Daniels or some similar brand of alcohol. “Haven’t you caused enough damage?” She spoke up once more in that quiet, eerily calm voice. She had not been aware of her desire to speak, but the words emerged. What else was there to say? She had a good feeling there would be no other way to make him leave. Making Carter feel guilty was usually the only way to get him to leave. However, she was not planning to go that far. If he would not leave, she would ignore him. She doubted he would force his words upon her. If he were going to, he would’ve done it already. Besides, she didn’t know what else he could say. He seemed to have said everything he could possibly say. That explained why he had kept repeating himself, stating that he needed her in his life. Beth did not see it that way. He had demonstrated the complete opposite. She doubted she would ever be able to believe he needed her again.

[/b][/color][/font] carter hoffman / kelley
STATUS complete
WORD COUNT nine hundred and thirty-nine
OUTFIT check it out
LYRIC CREDIT these days, rascal flatts
TEMPLATE CREDIT NIE SAYS RAWR ?! @ caution 2.0
NOTES my eyeballs hurt like whoa.[/ul][/blockquote][/size][/font]

[carter anthony hoffman]

there's no excuse, no explanation, believe

[/i][/size][/font][/color]
ME IF I COULD UNDO WHAT I DID WRONG I WOULD
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TAG: BETHANY KENNEDY . LOCATION: THE PARK
OUTFIT: HERE . WORD COUNT: ONE TWO ONE THREE
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In all honesty what the two of them shared when they were dating was something special, even Carter would admit that. She had been the first girl that he had ever felt more than lust for, the first girl that he had ever really been in a legit relationship with. It was the second longest relationship he ever had, she was the first girl that he had given his heart to and she was the first girl that he had thought about having a future with. Bethany had been everything he wanted in a girl, at least everything he thought he wanted and he thought things had been going great between them, thought that everything would continue to go that way. That was until she said those three little words. Those three little words made Carter’s head spin and he darted out of there as soon as he could. He couldn’t say them back to her, he had tried but he couldn’t. He didn’t even know what love was. He was torn between thinking that what him and Bethany had being love or just really deep attraction for one another. Carter had never been shown love growing up by his mother and his brother and he had barely even thought about if they ‘loved’ each other, in the brotherly way of course. It was just something that had never crossed his mind. That was why he had been so incredibly freaked out when the words were uttered and he had no response for them. How was a man who had no idea how to love another or what it was like to be in love able to sit there and smile, say the words back and continue on like everything was fine? Well, if any man could do it then let them be but Carter was not that man in the least bit and he doubted at that point in time that he ever would be.

As he stood there watching her silently Carter felt as if part of him was slowly being ripped away. This broken girl here was all his fault, the reason behind her crying was his; the reason behind all her pain was him. That was something he would forever have to live with and it killed him but he couldn’t even begin to imagine how much she had been affected by everything that he did to hurt her. They say that the greatest pain one could go through was heartbreak and at the time that he had broken Bethany’s heart he could never really grasp the words but after the two year relationship he had with Abby and how his heart had been broken at the end he now understood it. It really was the most painful of all experiences and even thinking about everything that had happened with Abby and himself made his stomach churn and old scars that he tried to hide away start to sting once again. That pain was practically unbearable and it still was but now not so much because at him and Abigail were on talking terms once more. That still didn’t stop the pain from whenever he saw her with someone else, or when she spoke about other guys or when he saw other men looking at her. So in a way Carter did know what Bethany was going through, maybe not to that extreme but he knew what it was like to be heartbroken and he knew what it was like to be in pain because someone had broken your heart. Carter and Abby had been bitter toward each other for quite some time, always arguing and fighting and it was only this past month that they had started being civil toward one another.

After Carter had shed the jacket from his muscular frame and placed it on her shoulders then moved to the swing beside her he saw the coat fall and let out a small sigh. He wasn’t sure if that was purposeful or not but he wasn’t going to ask. Instead he let his gaze drop to the snow as well and let the silence settle between the two. Strangely enough it was sort of peaceful, the only real sounds apart from both of them breathing was the squeak of the swings and the howling of the wind. It was freezing out and Carter didn’t know how long Bethany had been out here for but he knew for him being only out here for a little while he was already freezing. Removing his hands from his pockets Carter brought them to his hood and pulled it over his head, fixing his hat in the process so that it wasn’t in the way. His fingers then moved to the zip of his hooded sweatshirt and he zipped it up fully before returning his hands to his pockets once again. Every time he breathed out he could see his breath in the form of steam escape his lips and he shivered from the cold wind that blew their way. When she finally did speak up he heard the change in her voice and was thrown off-guard by it. He was so used to hearing bitterness and anger escape her lips, hate and malice that now when she spoke calmly and soft it was completely nerve wrecking for him. This definitely was not the female that he had been talking to no less than an hour or two earlier. This was awkward and well, awkward.

At her next words Carter stood to his feet and moved over to her, crouching down so that he was in front of her and could look up at her face. He saw the running mascara, the redness in her eyes, the way that she seemed to be practically freezing where she was and he let out a small sigh as he moved his hands up to one of the swings metal chains and gently pried her fingers off of it and held her hand in his own as he blew into it in attempt to warm it up. He saw the purple tinge to her skin and knew that wasn’t a good sign. Keeping that hand of hers in one of his Carter repeated the same process with the other hand. He let them both go for a brief moment so that he could walk around behind her and pick up his jacket and he shook it out before putting it over her shoulders again this time though he gently put her arms through the sleeves. “Bumblebee, you’re going to get pneumonia.

[/color]” He whispered quietly before wrapping his arms around her in attempt to keep her warm. He didn’t know what she was going to say or do about him touching her but he didn’t care. Right now she needed to get someplace warm and that was what he was going to do. “C’mon, love. Let’s get you out of the cold.[/color]” As he spoke he stood to his feet and picked her up so that he was cradling her in his arms, suddenly wishing that he had brought his car. Carter knew that there was a café only a few blocks away so hopefully they would be able to get there without her protesting too much.[/justify][/blockquote]

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notes: rawrawrawrawr.

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[bethany paige kennedy]

i wake up and teardrops
THEY FALL DOWN LIKE RAIN. I PUT ON THAT OLD SONG...

THE warmth of his body penetrated the numbness and Beth could not find it to tell him to not touch her, as she normally would have done. She continued to stay at the snow, but with him in front of her, her eyes were now locked on his knees. The slight pain of his skin being removed from the cold metal barely fazed her. Physical pain was nothing to her. She had hurt herself before, much more pain that what she was experiencing now and none of that physical pain matched the emotional heartache. Beth was so desensitised. She was not numb enough to ignore the warmth of his hands and his breath on her hands. She had not realised how cold they were until his hands had encased them. She should have protested. It was not his job to take care of her. He had no right to be touching her either. That right had been lost three years ago, but she couldn’t find it in her to do so. She was so drained emotionally. If he had not come along, she would’ve sat there until she developed hypothermia. She allowed her hands to drop onto her legs when he let go and moved behind her. She heard the ruffle of his jacket and she knew what was happening. She did not assist him. Beth sat motionless as he moved her arms into the jacket, effectively dressing her. She was so lifeless. Her eyes were dull and blank. They portrayed no sign of emotion or even thoughts. She was just in that moment with no feelings, no thoughts, no movements except the rise and fall of her chest as she took small breaths. It was hard to believe she was still alive. She was so pale from the cold and she looked so... dead. It was true. At the moment, she was emotionally dead. She felt nothing.

BUMBLEBEE. The nickname brought so many memories flooding back. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest. He was the only one who had ever been able to call her bumblebee. Her mother had tried and failed. Her father had also tried and failed miserably. Carter had gotten away with it. It was still unknown to her how he had gotten away with call her bumblebee, but Beth had loved it. It was like a way of showing the world that she belonged to him and him to her. That simple name was involved in so many of her happier memories. Beth should have scolded him for it, but hearing it again in person was overwhelming and even if she had the will to speak, she wouldn’t have been able to. His arms were wrapped tightly around her and her eyes closed when she caught a hint of that familiar scent. She should not have allowed herself to be in this position. She would torture herself with this. She was still limp against his body. She could not react, even if she wanted to. She had no will to push him away, no will to hug him back, no will to scold him from touching her. She spoke one word. “Carter?” The question escaped her and she did not even know what she was asking him. It could’ve been why he was here? Why was he behaving the way he was? Did he ever think about them? Did he realise just how much hearing him call her ‘bumblebee’ would affect her tomorrow? It was up to how Carter interpreted it. Part of her was hoping he would tell her he thought about her and how he had wanted to hold her again. It was not something that should’ve crossed her mind, but she was only human. She had her faults. She had her weaknesses. It just happened to be that Carter was her biggest weakness.

THE movement was sudden and Beth did not expected to be lifted and cradled against his body. The movement was familiar. He had done this often when she was half-asleep and he would carry her to bed. Those were more familiar memories that were flooding back and she closed her eyes, willing her emotions away. She had appeared weak, but she wouldn’t in front of him. “Where are we going?” She knew he wanted to take her somewhere warm, but she did not want to be seen in public with him. If no one else knew, no one could remind her. She could just pretend it had all been some dream. Besides, she was not fit for contact with other people. “Can you put me down please? I can walk, Carter.” Usually a comment like that one would’ve been filled with anger and resentment, but her voice was still icy cold and eerily calm. She did not struggle as she normally would’ve done. She simply let him carry her, but she did hope that he would respect her wishes and put her down. She did not appreciate being treated like a child. She was emotionally wounded, not crippled. Besides, she did no trust him to not take her somewhere she didn’t want to go. Beth wanted to continue to walk places, to let her mind go blank. She did not want to be forced to endure the company of Carter and have more memories brought to the surface. She had been working so hard to suppress them and he brought them flooding back with the simplest of gestures and the least of words. It was easier to just stay away from him. Beth was finished remembering what had happened. She was desperate to forget. She wanted to wipe that one year period from her mind and she could not do that in his company. The only thing that could possibly be worse would be him talking about the good times they had shared. Beth just might lose it if that was to happen.

[/b][/color][/font] carter hoffman / kelley
STATUS complete
WORD COUNT nine hundred and eighty-three
OUTFIT check it out
LYRIC CREDIT these days, rascal flatts
TEMPLATE CREDIT NIE SAYS RAWR ?! @ caution 2.0
NOTES -yawns-[/ul][/blockquote][/size][/font]

[carter anthony hoffman]

there's no excuse, no explanation, believe

[/i][/size][/font][/color]
ME IF I COULD UNDO WHAT I DID WRONG I WOULD
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TAG: BETHANY KENNEDY . LOCATION: THE PARK
OUTFIT: HERE . WORD COUNT: ONE ZERO FIVE SEVEN
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As Carter crouched in front of her, his arms wrapped around her tightly, his cheek pressed against the side of her face he let his mind wander back to when they were still dating, when things were right between them and they got along. Back in the days when there were more than hateful words spat out of her mouth and a gaze that looked like it could cut down the world’s strongest man. Back when the two of them could joke around and when they were still friends. There were many memories that the two shared: some good, some bad and then the one that was the worst memory ever and that of course was the night that he broke her heart. Carter was trying to focus on the positive memories for right now though, he didn’t need any more negativity, and any more thoughts about how he had hurt her or words that were shared between the two that were not civil. What memory would he focus on though that was the question? There were a lot of them and well, he couldn’t decide so the young athlete let his mind sift through them all trying to find a suitable one that reminded him of the situation they were in right now but only in better and brighter days. The boy just wanted to take away her pain right now so it was really hard to focus on anything else although he was trying. There was no struggling coming from her which was something that had caught the man off-guard, he had expected her to be lashing out at him, telling him to get away from her and let her go, that she didn’t need him and that she didn’t want his hands on her but nothing. That was extremely shocking.

Finally his mind seemed to settle on a memory and it was one that he really did cherish. It was one night when they were in his apartment, the apartment that he had lived in since he was sixteen and continued to stay in while in college even though he could have lived on campus. She had come over for the evening to study and hang out; after some of their work was done the two had moved to the couch to watch a movie. Of course for the first few minutes of the movie it was the last thing they were focused on as they got caught up in a pretty heated moment but were able to control themselves and soon settled down to cuddle and finish the movie that they had started. It was a longer one, one of those chick flicks that most girls seemed to love, especially Beth and surprisingly Carter had tried to stay awake for most of it and he had succeeded. It was Bethany that had fallen asleep. Imagine that, eh? The girl who had picked the movie ended up being the one to fall asleep before it was done. Titanic, that had been the movie and god; it had to be one of the longest movies he ever had to sit through. It was worth it though because when he looked over and saw her sleeping in his arms with that look of pure peace and comfortableness it made his night. Carter didn’t have the heart to wake her up and since she was supposed to be spending the night anyway he had slowly wiggled out from under her, undressed her and then put one of his large shirts over her slender form before cradling her in his arms and carrying her to his bedroom. Once she was laid down on her bed, all cuddled under the blankets and he had shed most of his clothing apart from his boxers, slid on a pair of shorts and climbed in beside her Carter remembered her cuddling up to his side and moments later he had fallen asleep.

What snapped him out of his thoughts was her name and the young man gave her a faint smile. “Yes, Bumblebee?

[/color]” He questioned quietly as he moved his hand to her face and wiped away some of the mascara. It was then that he picked her up and cradled her in his arms before making his way down the sidewalk once again. He was holding her close to him, trying to keep her warm, trying to make sure that she wasn’t going to get hypothermia. That was all he was worried about right now, keeping her safe and warm and well, of course getting her out of the cold weather. “Someplace warm.[/color]” Was his only response to her question and as another gust of air came their way he tucked her closer to his body and buried his face in her hair so that the wind would not blow snow into his eyes. While his face was pressed against the side of her head Carter took in the scent of her hair, it still hadn’t changed and without thinking he pressed his lips to her hair softly. “No.[/color]” There was no way that Carter was going to let her walk, not in this condition and by the tone of his voice it was obvious that there was no room for argument. The rest of the trip was made in silence and Carter had decided to take a different route than going to the café. He figured that it wouldn’t even be worth going there so instead he made a beeline for his house and it didn’t take long for them to get there. Once they reached his front door Carter slid one of his hands down while he still held her in his arms and quickly opened the door before stepping inside and kicking it shut behind him. The athlete made a beeline for his bedroom and once they were there he moved to the bathroom, still carrying her. It wasn’t until they were by his Jacuzzi bathtub did he sit her down but it was on the edge of the tub and he quickly plugged it up, filled it with warm water and added some bubbles to it. “You need to get warmed up before you get sick.[/color]” Was his simple reply before turning to face her. It was obvious by the look on his face that he cared about her.[/justify][/blockquote]

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notes: he's such a stubborn ass.

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[bethany paige kennedy]

i wake up and teardrops
THEY FALL DOWN LIKE RAIN. I PUT ON THAT OLD SONG...

SHE simply shrugged. It was the only reaction she could think of even performing. She did not know what she had wanted to ask him. Instead of trying to think of something, she allowed him to pick her up, although her protests were soon heard. He was taking her somewhere warm? Where was that? She didn’t ask. She just asked him to place her down, but that was also denied. Why did he have to play the role of macho man? She was fine, if not a bit cold. Beth barely felt it. She felt fine and would be fine continuing her long walk. No, Carter had to suddenly become overprotective. Why was she allowing him to do this? Beth should have been protesting, whining, but truthfully, she had no energy. It was easier to just let him be nice to her and protect her the way he wanted to. She gave up. She allowed him to carry her, his body warming her and her face buried in his chest, inhaling that overly familiar, somewhat comforting scent that made her heart pound awkwardly. This was a bad position for her to be in. There was so many memories that include her in his embrace. There was the time he had picked her up like this to throw her in the pool on campus. She remembered catching hints of his scent when he crept up behind her to wrap his arms around her waist, pick her up and spin her around. She remembered it whenever she was held close and she buried her face into his neck and just breathed. Beth missed it. There was no denying it, but she was not going to break down. She was going to be strong and continue to pretend that she did not need him. There was no doubt it would be a lot harder now that she had reminders of him.

AS they approached the large house that now belonged to Carter, Beth was honestly surprised and happy for him. It was nice that he could afford to live in such luxury. For selfish reasons, she was glad that he did move. She could not have handled it if they had been returning to his old apartment. There were so many memories there and Beth was not sure if she could have dealt with that. It was not something she had to worry about now. “You can put me down.” Those words were spoken as he tried to keep her in his arms and open the door at the same time. She was not going to run away. She didn’t have the energy and it would just result in an argument she had no energy for. Beth was sick at heart. She had no emotion left to fight. All the anger and frustration had been cried out. It had been lost as she sat in the cold on that swing. Of course, it would come back. It was never gone for too long. That was the experience she’d had with her emotions. She found temporary relief in drinking, or a warm body moving inside of her and with her. Sometimes she just broke down, like she had done tonight. It all offered her some temporary relief from the intense cycle of feelings but it returned. It was exhausting and she was honestly sick and tired of it all. Sometimes, she wished she could go back and change things. She would change meeting Carter. She would change her accepting his request for a date. That single date had started it all. She despised herself for her stupidity, but how was she to know? The door was opened and they were inside and Beth found herself looking at the splendour of his new accommodation. What a lucky bastard.

HALLWAY, bedroom, bathroom was what she noticed as they moved. Finally, he sat her down and went about setting up a bath for her. She did not need him to do this for her. Why did he care so much? This was not what she needed him showing her. She did not need him to be showing her genuine concern and affection. This was a recipe for false hope and more disappointment. She was stupid for not getting up and leaving. She would regret this in the morning. Right now, she just watched him fill up the huge tub and she turned to face him when he spoke. “This isn’t necessary. I’m fine.” She obviously did not feel her body still shaking. Something could have plunged a knife into her stomach and she likely would not have felt a thing. The girl was just there. She neither felt physically nor emotionally. The tub filled and she watched Carter. He rose, but did not leave. He was waiting for something. Beth knew what he was waiting for and she too rose and unzipped his jacket. The moment she began to slide it off her shoulders, he urged her to enjoy the bath and then disappeared. She bit her lip and sighed. She might as well take him off on the offer. She knew he would continue to bug her until she did. She slipped off his jacket before moving to sit on the toilet seat. She pulled off her boots and then her socks. Slipping her shirt over her head, she finally rose to unbutton and unzip her jeans before pushing them off her legs. She then unclasped her bra and her slid out of her panties, leaving all her clothes in a messy piles. She slipped into the bath, letting out a slight moan of pain as the hot water burned through her numbness. Before she sank down into it, she piled her hair in a messy bun on top of her head and sunk into the bubbles. She would enjoy this.

[/b][/color][/font] carter hoffman / kelley
STATUS complete
WORD COUNT nine hundred and seventy-three
OUTFIT check it out
LYRIC CREDIT these days, rascal flatts
TEMPLATE CREDIT NIE SAYS RAWR ?! @ caution 2.0
NOTES -yawns-[/ul][/blockquote][/size][/font]

[carter anthony hoffman]

there's no excuse, no explanation, believe

[/i][/size][/font][/color]
ME IF I COULD UNDO WHAT I DID WRONG I WOULD
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TAG: BETHANY KENNEDY . LOCATION: CARTER'S
OUTFIT: HERE . WORD COUNT: ONE ZERO EIGHT EIGHT
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Carter didn’t care that she had protested against taking a bath once he had sat her down, he really didn’t. She was freezing, she was shaking and she was likely to come down with a cold if she didn’t warm up sometime soon. There was only so much that he could do to keep her warm and since the coldness from outside had already penetrated through his body he wouldn’t be of much help any longer. As he sat by the bath waiting for it to fill up he could feel himself shaking from the cold. He had on a few layers, yes, but it was nothing compared to the coolness of outside and the way that the snow was falling. The wind mixed in with all of it made the entire thing even worse so there was no doubt that he wasn’t the only one freezing. Once the bath was filled he stood up to turn off the water and then waited for Beth to at least show some sign of getting into the bath. Finally she slid his jacket off and he left her at that to get undressed and bathe alone, it wasn’t his place to stay in there, plus, he had a few other things he needed to do. After moving to his bedroom Carter kicked off his shoes into his closet before moving to his dresser and pulling out a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. He then walked over to the bathroom door and knocked on it. “There’s clothes outside the door for you and a towel right above the toilet.

[/color]” He spoke up loud enough so she could hear him before moving back to his dresser and he removed his own clothes from his body and tossed them in his hamper before he slid on a pair of his lounge pants and a t-shirt.

Carter then proceeded to move downstairs so that he could put together something warm for her to eat and drink. The young man was still freezing but luckily the warmness in the house would soon be enough to bring his body temperature back him. The athlete moved to the cupboards in search of tea and after putting a kettle on the stove and getting a mug out he then proceeded to open up a can of chicken noodle soup and put that on the stove as well, adding enough water to it so that it wouldn’t be overly salty. Carter wasn’t a cook in the least bit, anyone who had known him long enough knew that pretty much the only thing he could cook without a problem was steak, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and cheesecake. He didn’t know how to cook anything else that didn’t have directions on it and lived on take out and microwavable food or cans of soup and other things of that nature. Oh the joys of being a bachelor who never had a mother to teach him how to take care of himself in the cooking department. As he waited for the food and water to boil for her tea Carter moved to one of the cabinets that had all the medicines in it and after finding some Tylenol Sinus pills he placed them on a tray he had gotten out beside the bowl and mug that were already placed there along with a spoon and a napkin. Once the kettle started hissing announcing that it was complete Carter poured the water into the mug that had Beth’s favorite tea in it and then placed it back on the stove, turning it off in the process before pouring the soup into a bowl before proceeding to pick up the tray and carry it upstairs with him. Of course none of this was done until he made sure the stove was off and the doors locked.

Carter made one last stop before returning to his bedroom and that was at the movie cabinet in his entertainment room and after picking out some movies that he knew she liked, or at least used to, and placing them on the tray with everything else he went to his bedroom. With one glance at the floor by the bathroom door he saw that the clothes were already taken inside with her and he smiled a bit, placing the tray with the food and other goodies down so that he could unmake the large bed. Once that was done and the pillows were propped up he closed the bedroom door and moved over to the bathroom, knocking on it twice and waiting for an answer before stepping inside. “How’re you feeling?[/color]” Were the first words out of his mouth as he entered the now steamy bathroom and he crossed it so that he could gather her clothes and he moved them to a pile on his bedroom floor so that they wouldn’t end up all over the place. For being a guy sometimes Hoffman was a bit too organized but he was planning on washing her clothes for her after she fell asleep so at least she wouldn’t have to wear dirty and probably ice cold clothing home, even though he knew it’d be warm by then it was beside the point.

Carter crossed the bathroom to where she was and he wrapped his arms around her tightly, bringing her to his chest and holding her close to him. “You’re still freezing.[/color]” He observed quietly before moving her to the bedroom and over to the bed. That was done by simply picking her up once again and after she was placed on his large comfortable bed he moved over to grab the tray with the soup, tea and movies on it. “Here, eat and drink these, they’ll help you get warmer faster and there’s medicine here so you can stop the cold before it comes.[/color]” He paused for a moment and brought his hand up to his head and ran his hand through his hair. “There’s some movies here too if you want to watch them.[/color]” After she had told him to just pick a movie he nodded as he took them from her and moved to the entertainment center and he popped in whatever movie that was on top which just so happened to be the Titanic. Once it was on he grabbed the remote then moved over to the bed and crawled under the blankets beside her and moved close to wrap his arm around her. “C’mere, let me warm you up.[/color]”[/justify][/blockquote]

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notes: sweet carter x]

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[bethany paige kennedy]

i wake up and teardrops
THEY FALL DOWN LIKE RAIN. I PUT ON THAT OLD SONG...

HEARING his words from outside the bathroom door, she let out a noise of confirmation to let him know that she had heard him. She heard his heavy footsteps around his bedroom, but she ignored it as she sat in the bath and let it pierce through her numbness and hopefully warm her a little bit. It had been too long since she’d had a bath. Lately, Beth had found that if she didn’t keep herself occupied her thoughts wandered to places she would rather not have them go. She showered because there was little time for her thoughts to wander. However, her mind was blissfully blank as the warm water soothed her aching muscles and warmed her chilled body. She was simply enjoying the sensation as Carter bustled around downstairs, that unknown to her. She recalled the last time she had taken a bath. It was after an epic snow battle with Carter. He had drawn a bath for her and had sat down to talk to her. Of course, he had ended up soaked because she had splashed him. A mini water fight had resulted in a make out session. She missed those days. It was undeniable, but she would hold her strong facade. Beth was good at pretending. She had to be. She had pretending for so long that Carter hadn’t bothered her. She had pretended that she hated him, while she still loved him desperately. People were right when they said their first love never really faded. Beth wasn’t sure if she would ever stop loving him. She snapped herself out of it the moment her thoughts headed in that direction. She rose from the bath and stepped out of it, determined to do something that would stop her thinking about him in that way. It would be her downfall. Beth was smart enough to realise that.

TOWEL in hand, Beth set about drying herself. She sat in the bathroom for a moment, the towel wrapped around her as she listened for footsteps or any sign of Carter. She heard nothing, so she felt it safe to quickly pick up the clothing that he had laid out for her. It was his clothing of course. It had been so long since she had worn anything that belonged to him. She had long since thrown out all of the clothing that she had gathered of his over the year their relationship had lasted. She had wanted no reminder of him, so she destroyed them, except one necklace he had given her and a few of the pictures of them together. She kept them in a box and sometimes she worse the necklace, but those occasions were rare. She needed to have some physical sign of him, but nothing she could see in everyday life. It needed to be something she could tuck away. She dressed in his clothes and she was overwhelmed by the smell of him. She bit her lip to keep from smiling. She wouldn’t allow herself to do so. Instead, she moved to the mirror and observed her reflection. She still had makeup smudged down her face. Any sign of a smile faded as she placed some cool water on her face to reduce the redness and so that she could begin to scrub the makeup away with her fingers. It kept her distracted and she heard footsteps as she finished. She ignored them, as her hands reached up to untie her hair and let the blonde locks fall around her face. Beth ran her fingers through her hair, trying to tidy it up a bit. The wind had blown her hair all over the place, so it needed to be fixed. A few moments passed and there was a knock at the bathroom door. Carter.

WITHOUT turning away from the mirror she called, “Come in,” still with the eerily calm voice of hers. It was emotionless. She turned to face Carter as he crossed the room in a few long strides, questioning her as he came. “I’m fine,” she replied simply, not aware of how cold she still was. She felt fine. She watched him as he gathered her clothes up and she felt no embarrassment of the fact that he was handling her underwear. She mentally shrugged it off and turned back to the mirror as he walked out once more. She had fixed her hair, or as much as she could given the circumstances, and turned to face him once more as he entered the bathroom. What did he want? What happened surprised her. He moved across to pull her into an embrace. She was surprised, but made no effort to remove herself from his embrace or to hug him back. She stood there, somewhat awkwardly until he released her and spoken. She would have rolled her eyes had she been able to muster the energy. “Carter, I’m fine.” Of course, Carter was not listening to her. He didn’t seem to ever listen. She was getting tired of being babied and being treated like she couldn’t walk, but she let him do it. Beth was tired of fighting him. She was tired of the harsh words and right now, it was just easier to give in. She allowed him to scoop her off her feet, but she did say, “I have legs. I can walk.” She didn’t expect him to respond to that, so she let him move her to his bed and place here there. She was surprised at how soft and comfortable it was. She should have protested about being in his bed but she enjoyed the comforting feeling of the big, soft bed.

AS if that weren’t enough, Carter insisted on pulling the blankets up for her. He was obviously concerned about something and was enjoying babying her. Beth couldn’t bring herself to protest because one: she didn’t want an argument; and two: she liked being with him again. It was weak and it was foolish, but she could not help the way she felt. She ignored it. It was easier to do that and to be faced with a familiar rush of feelings and how much she missed him taking care of her. She hadn’t noticed the tray until it was in his hands and he was bringing it over. “I’m fine, Carter. You didn’t need to do this.” He seemed to still be ignoring her, when he asked about the movie. She just shrugged and waved it off. That was her way of telling him just to pick something. She looked at the soup and it smelled so good that she raised the spoon and tasted it. The sensation of it burning down her throat to her stomach wasn’t unpleasant in her state. It reminded her that she was indeed alive and it was warming her. She continued to tuck in. After a few moments, she lifted the teacup to her lips and sipped. Carter still remembered how she liked her tea, after this long. She was touched, but said nothing to him. She lowered the cup as he moved to crawl into the bed beside her. She looked up at the screen to see what movie he had put it. Titanic? That brought more memories flooding back. “I thought you didn’t like this movie?” She looked at him, as she spoke and moved closer to her, probably in an attempt to warm her with his body heat. “I’m fine.” She was tired of repeating those two words, but he would not seem to listen to her. “At least wait until I’m done with this?” she asked him. She just wanted him to move away from her. She could hardly think or breathe with him that close to her once more.

[/b][/color][/font] carter hoffman / kelley
STATUS complete
WORD COUNT one thousand, two hundred and ninety-two
OUTFIT check it out
LYRIC CREDIT these days, rascal flatts
TEMPLATE CREDIT NIE SAYS RAWR ?! @ caution 2.0
NOTES so this sucked.[/ul][/blockquote][/size][/font]

[carter anthony hoffman]

there's no excuse, no explanation, believe

[/i][/size][/font][/color]
ME IF I COULD UNDO WHAT I DID WRONG I WOULD
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TAG: BETHANY KENNEDY . LOCATION: CARTER'S
OUTFIT: HERE . WORD COUNT: ONE ZERO FIVE SIX
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To put it bluntly Carter didn’t give a fuck about what sort of excuse or sort of encouragement to let him know that she was fine that she sent his way. In his eyes she was far from fine and he was going to take care of her to make sure that she wasn’t going to get sick. She was under his care now and he was going to make sure she was well looked out for whether she liked it or not. It may had been a long time since the two were in a civil conversation or she even allowed physical contact between the two of them but he didn’t care, right now he just pushed all thoughts aside of everything that had happened between them and was instead focusing on the here and the now. Like for instance he was sitting in his bed waiting for the Titanic to come on while watching her eat her soup and drink her tea after she had taken the medicine he put there for her. His thoughts were on her and her alone at the moment and they were innocent thoughts, focusing mainly around her well being and making sure that all was well with her. There was no reason for him to focus on anything else; he had no other commitments and no place to be or anything to do other than keep an eye on her. Football season was nearly over and since he was only the assistant coach he barely had a job, his leg was still healing from the accident and he didn’t have a girlfriend so it wasn’t like he was going to get yelled at for being here right now. Sure he hoped to get back with Abby eventually but right now was there really anything wrong with sharing a bed with a friend in the friendliest of matters? Nothing was going to come of this, he was simply keeping her safe and warm, yep.

Every time that she told him he didn’t need to do this or spurted out that she was fine it only caused a slight frown of frustration to cross his face as he ignored her statements, not really caring. As he sat there and watched her eat her soup he smiled a bit, thinking back to times that one of them had been sick and the other would take care of them. Take for instance the time that he had gotten the flu really bad, she had been the first one to visit him and refused to leave his bedside even though she knew there was the high possibility that she could get sick too but she hadn’t cared, she stayed to make sure that he was alright and had even curled up beside him after he had fallen asleep. It was amazing to think of the type of relationship they once shared then compared it to their relationship now, or well, lack of a relationship to be completely honest. It was something that they would have to work on and hopefully tonight would be the first step toward that. He wasn’t doing this to try to get in her good books at all, he was simply doing it because he did care about her and he needed her to see that more than anything else. She didn’t believe him but he needed her to even though he knew he did not deserve it. “I’m not a huge fan but I know you like it so I can deal.

[/color]” Came his simple response to her question about the movie. Usually Carter was picky when it came to movies but when it came to Abby, Taryn and Beth he didn’t really care what they watched and just sat back, sucked it up and dealt with it. It sucked that he had a soft spot for those three girls, damn them and their easy ways of charming him to do whatever they wanted. He swore to god that he would never become whipped by a woman but he was practically whipped by three. Well, kind of. Most of time he would just do things for Taryn so she wouldn’t get mad at him and when it came to Beth, well, he couldn’t do anything nice for her.

A nod of his head was the only reply that the younger female got from him and he turned his attention to the movie, focusing on the opening scene and every so often would glance at her from the corner of his eye to see if she was eating and drinking. Both of the things he had given her had been hot in hopes that it would help warm her up and he could tell she was enjoying the food and tea even if she wasn’t acting like she was. After a few minutes the young man saw that she was finished with both and he let a few long moments tick by before leaning over and moving the tray from her lap and placed it on the end table beside him before scooting over so that he could wrap his arm around her and keep her warm. Carter kept telling himself that was all it was for: warmth but he knew deep down it wasn’t. He had missed this with her and he knew it. It was just admitting that that was the hard part. It wasn’t like they were even on good terms, if they were it would have probably been easier but she hated him. The arm that wasn’t wrapped around her shoulder moved around her stomach and pulled her closer to him and now both arms were cuddled around her, his chin resting on the top of his head and his gaze focusing on the screen. Once again the athlete moved his head down a bit to press his lips to the top of her head in a silent kiss before returning back to the way he was previously. “How are you feeling?[/color]” He asked quietly, moving a hand up to rest under her chin and tilting her head up to look at him. Their faces were close now, way closer than most friends’ faces got but he didn’t know that. He was trying to search for what was going through her mind by looking into her eyes.
[/justify][/blockquote]

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notes: sweet carter x]

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[bethany paige kennedy]

i wake up and teardrops
THEY FALL DOWN LIKE RAIN. I PUT ON THAT OLD SONG...

HIS goals were being achieved. No matter how much she had wanted to ignore him, or how much she was determined to hate him, she couldn’t. She could not hate him; she could not be upset, not after what he was doing for her. She could see genuine concern in his eyes and she knew that he was doing this to take care of her by the insistent way he would question her wellbeing and the frown that crossed his handsome features when she insisted that she was fine. It was warming her previously ice cold heart and the numbing feeling she had felt in the park was gone as she lay in bed next to him, eating the soup and drinking the tea. “I can’t believe you remembered how I like it.” The words were spoken unintentionally as she took yet another sip of the tea. She may not have meant to speak them, but the meaning behind the words was meant. She hadn’t expected him to remember a simple detail like he had. Was it a sign that he still cared for her? Was it possible to get back to the way things were? Of course, the thoughts crossing her mind caused her to curse internally. She should not have been thinking those things. They weren’t even friends. Beth wasn’t sure what they were. They were not enemies, not after this display. They weren’t friends, they weren’t lovers. Beth did not try and label what they happened to be right now, simply because it was confusing and they did not fit into any category she could lay out, except ex’s. She couldn’t believe they were over. With the feelings being demonstrated, surely Carter had to feel something for her. Each time she thought about it, she cursed herself. She had to ignore that possibility. She would not risk getting hurt again.

HER eyes flickered from the television screen to the bowl in front of her, to Carter and back again. How did she end up here? How did an argument bring her here? Her mind searched for an answer but she was unable to come up with one. Confusion settled and her mind was spinning. If only she was able to relax and just enjoy the situation. She was terrified of what would happen. However, she felt so lucky to have this one chance to be here again. She had missed him, being close to him and wearing his clothes. She had missed watching movies and talking all night. She had missed him and the way he made her laugh. She had missed their friendship, as well as their relationship. Maybe this was what she needed to heal, but she couldn’t help but think how she would feel to have to watch him with other girls, knowing that she was nothing but a friend. She pushed them to the back of her mind and just focussed on eating. She was so focussed that she emptied the bowl and then went to drinking the tea. She sipped it, savouring each taste as she watched the opening of Titanic. It had just reached the part where the safe had been found and the drawing of Rose would be revealed. Beth knew the movie well and she enjoyed it. She concentrated on it, simply to stop her mind from spinning out of control with crazy thoughts. “It isn’t that bad is it?” Yes, it was a chick flick, but there was suspense that still got her, no matter how many times she watched the movie. She was glad that every time she watched it with Carter, they ended up getting distracted before the end because she always ended up in tears. “I think you like it,” she teased, not knowing where it had come from. It felt so comfortable, so natural.

THE teacup was set down a short while later after she finished her tea. It didn’t seem to escape Carter as he soon picked up the tray and moved it. Without any words of protest from her, she allowed him to pull her close to him. She sank down into the pillows and let the warmth and familiarity of his body wash over her. For the first time in a long time, she felt content. She felt safe. It was like nothing and no one would hurt her while she was in his embrace. The familiar feeling of being loved and cared for washed over her and she knew that it would hurt her once it ended and that she knew she would never have him hold her again. She bit down on her lip, her eyes closing as his face buried in her hair and his lips pressed against the side of her head. Why was she doing this to herself? It would end in disappointment and hurt, but Beth didn’t care. It had been so long since she had been in an intimate embrace such as this one. It was innocent, but the emotions coursing through her were intense. His hand moved to her face and lifted her head and she found herself staring into his eyes. His intense steel blue eyes locked on hers and she barely heard his question. “I’m...” She couldn’t complete her sentence. She stared up at him, words not needing to be spoken. Her eyes said it all. She wanted this to be the way they were. She wanted to tell him she had missed him, she loved him and she wanted things to once again be the way they were. She searched his eyes in return. She was looking for signs that he felt the same way. It was false hope once more, but she was beyond caring. His embrace and his intense gaze were too much for her. She was lost, speechless and flooded with familiar feelings that she had not felt in too long.

[/b][/color][/font] carter hoffman / kelley
STATUS complete
WORD COUNT nine hundred and eighty-two
OUTFIT check it out
LYRIC CREDIT these days, rascal flatts
TEMPLATE CREDIT NIE SAYS RAWR ?! @ caution 2.0
NOTES and now it's bed time.[/ul][/blockquote][/size][/font]

[carter anthony hoffman]

there's no excuse, no explanation, believe

[/i][/size][/font][/color]
ME IF I COULD UNDO WHAT I DID WRONG I WOULD
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TAG: BETHANY KENNEDY . LOCATION: CARTER'S
OUTFIT: HERE . WORDS: ONE TWO SEVEN SEVEN
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The fact that she hadn’t pushed him away yet was something he wasn’t expecting. She wasn’t showing any sign of leaving either so that was something that he was happy for. As much as the two disliked each other – her more than him – it seemed like she was pushing aside the hurt he had caused her for at least a little while as he took care of her. Why she was allowing him to baby her he was unsure but he wasn’t going to ask, not until the next day perhaps after he was sure that she wasn’t going to get a cold and end up freezing herself to death in some ally or, well, where she was in some run down park. That wasn’t going to happen on his watch, right now he was perfectly content with having her lay beside him in his bed while watching the Titanic and her drinking and eating to try to keep warm. The color had returned to her face slightly and that was always a good sign, especially since he was pretty positive that she had nearly gotten hypothermia. “Of course I remembered. I have a memory like an elephant or did you forget that?

[/color]” He joked with her, a smile etched on his face so she would know that he was simply playing around. Carter may not have been the smartest guy around nor the one who was completely senseless: he had a nice even balance, average he always guessed you could call him. One thing that was not average about him though was his memory seeing how he was the type of person to remember the smallest details about everything. Sometimes he just chose to not remember them but when it came to the girls that he had cared about or still did care about it was a simple task for him to remember how they liked their tea or coffee or whatever else it was that they liked to drink.

Titanic had never been one of his favorite movies, in fact he had hated it for the longest time but all the girls he had dated seemed to have some sort of strange obsession with it. Carter never really understood it nor did he even question the crazy female logic that they all had. It was simply a movie that was probably a horrible adaptation of a horrible incident. Titanic wasn’t the only movie he did get though, no, in fact Carter didn’t get the point of most chick flicks. From what he saw they all ended with every girl getting their happy ending and everything being joyous and fun once two people found each other and that was the opposite of the truth. Carter had been in enough relationships to know that no matter how perfect two people seem for each other fights will always happen and he knew that there was probably no such thing as a happy ending. Tell Hollywood that and they would laugh and shrug your words off. Apparently the ooey gooey love shit sold good and most females liked it. Carter preferred a good cheesy horror movie, an action film or a comedy most of the time but of course like any other male he was forced to put up with the cheesiest of chick flicks for the girls that he liked. “You know how I feel toward chick flicks.[/color]” He responded simply as his blue eyes lifted from the large HD plasma screen television that was on the wall in front of them to look at the girl laying beside him. “As much as I hate to admit it the Titanic is probably one of the only ones I can sit through and not want to gorge out my eyeballs.[/color]” At her next set of words he glared at her and reached out to her and prodded her gently in the side. “I do not.[/color]” He pouted playfully. Okay, so maybe he did a little bit but admitting that would simply make him feel less than a man so he wasn’t going to go and say that he liked the movie.

Once the tray was removed from in front of her and his arms wrapped around her, her body held tightly against him Carter smiled a bit as he settled down into the comfortable bed and focused on the movie now, well, sort of. He was trying to but his thoughts kept going back to how things used to be in the past. Had he ever truly loved Bethany? Yes, he had, she was the girl who had taught him how to love another and how to be a good boyfriend but then he had fallen for Abby. He knew that was something that should have never happened and while he regretted the way it happened he didn’t necessarily regret what all of it led up to. Honestly, Abigail was still the girl that he was in love with, the girl he wanted to spend his life with but he knew it would be a long and trying road to get there. Right now he was simply content to hold Bethany in his arms and think back to the good times they shared. The nights where they stayed up late and talked all night despite they had classes in the morning. The days where they just lounged around his apartment or her dorm room attempting to study but both of them couldn’t seem to. Hoffman still remembered what her lips felt like against his own, he remembered the way she used to look at him as if he were the only one in the room, the way she would gently coax him awake with sweet words and a soft touch. These were memories that he would forever hold with him no matter whom he dated or loved. They were memories that had once been actions that had formed him into the man he once was. Right now that man may have been buried away but that didn’t mean he was gone forever.

“You’re what?[/color]” He questioned quietly as his fingers gently caressed the side of her face and would occasionally move through her hair. Was she in pain? Did she feel alright? Was she going to be okay? They were all thoughts that were running through his mind right now as he stared down at her waiting for something from her, anything all the while fighting the urge to lean down and press his lips against her own just to remember how things used to be. “Bumblebee.[/color]” He breathed quietly, his head moving closer to her own just by a few inches. “Talk to me, please.[/color]” Carter needed some sign of reassurance that she was alright and that maybe she had similar thoughts to his running through her mind. He didn’t want to make things difficult on her but it was hard to deny what they both wanted right now. While her emotions were stronger than his and she would probably want more out of it right now all the football coach wanted was a trip down memory lane for a moment. He wanted to kiss those red lips of hers again, to hold her in his arms for the rest of the night, to show her that when he told her he did care about her he meant it and that it was not just some sort of pathetic attempt to not have her hate him. Yes, the older Hoffman did care about Bethany but it was nowhere near as intense as he felt toward Abby but it was still there so that had to count for something, right?[/justify][/blockquote]

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notes: one of them needs to do something already, yo.

[/size][/font][/center]

[bethany paige kennedy]

i wake up and teardrops
THEY FALL DOWN LIKE RAIN. I PUT ON THAT OLD SONG...

BETH was not pushing away any anger she felt towards him. She just did not know how to be angry with him in a situation like this. How could she push him away when he was obviously concerned about her wellbeing? If Beth were stronger, she would have pushed him away. She would have gotten up and left, regardless of the time, the weather and her current situation with her body temperature. She should have gotten up and left his home, forgotten his company, his scent, the way he laughed. None of that was good for her to see or remember. The poor girl would torture herself tomorrow. She would regret her decision and her heart would pine for him, more than she already had. Beth wanted her second chance, her chance to make things right and to make him realise that he could love her, more than he could possibly love Abby. She wanted to show him that she was the right one for him. Deep down, the logical part of her knew it was unnecessary. If he loved her more than Abby, he would’ve come back to her. He would’ve tried harder. Deep down, Beth knew it was over. She knew it over forever and that things would never, ever be the same, no matter how hard they tried. No matter how hard she tried, things would not go back to how they were, but she was clinging to hope, no matter how hard she tried not to. That could have been why it was so hard for her to move on. Things had ended so abruptly. She had not gotten closure, she had not seen for herself that things would never be the same again. However, Beth knew she would never get that chance again. Carter did not want to give it and Beth was too proud to ask.

PLAYFUL banter, the warmth of his body and his laughing voice was too much for her to handle at the moment. Beth should have fled, but she settled further into the embrace, letting him hold her close and bury his face in her hair like he used to. She remembered endless nights of her falling asleep with his face in her hair, his hand holding hers and their bodies entwined. She missed feeling safe and loved before she drifted off and that being the first feeling she felt upon waking. It was a pity that those days were over. She would give anything to have them back. She didn’t speak. She let the memories wash over her, one memory in particular. It had been the first night she had spent at his house. They had been talking, not realising how late it had gotten. Beth had fallen asleep against his chest. She had woken up with a warm body beside her and his gentle breathing easing her back to sleep. She had gone back to sleep with that warm body holding her close, safe and warm. She had woken up later, that same body still holding her, but this time, words were being muttered into her ear. He was telling her how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to have her. Recalling that particular memory made her heart pound in her chest and she looked away from him, holding back her tears. Beth needed to feel that once more. She needed to remember what it had been like to be that girl, so desperately in love for the first time, so happy and content with the world and her life. She had been so ready to open her heart to him, but now Beth just wanted to keep herself closed off and protected. She did not know who she could trust with anything and it scared her. She felt alone.

ROUGH fingers caressing her face has never felt so gentle, so warm, so right. She had missed the small gestures. She couldn’t finish her thoughts, which was likely why he had questioned her. Bumblebee: it brought a small smile to her face. She looked up at him, smiling at him for the first time in years. She just shook her head. It was a sign that there was nothing wrong with her, words were required not at the moment. She was silent, watching the emotions fill him; although she was unaware it was mostly concern and caring. It was not love, not the fact that he missed her as much as she missed him. She must have been delusional to imagine it was. The only thing she would be grateful for in the morning was the fact that she did not tell him right then that she was still desperately in love with him. That was one thing that Beth would not allow herself to do. She may have been foolish, she may have been irrational, but she still had her pride and she would not do that to herself. His face moved closer and the temptation was overwhelming. After a few moments, she found herself with her lips against his and no recollection of her thinking that she was going to kiss him. It had been an immediate gesture and she had no idea when she had done it, or how long she had been kissing him before her brain caught up with her. She didn’t care. Her mind went blank and her arms slipped around his neck. All the feelings of the past three years were released in that kiss. In that kiss, she was telling him she loved him, she had missed him and she would give her right leg to have him back in her life. Whatever the price, she would pay it, just to hear him say that he loved her, at least once.

ROLLING away from him, Beth brought Carter down so that he was laying on top of her. The familiar feeling of his body on top of hers was a feeling she welcomed, as she continued to kiss him. She revelled in the fact that he was kissing her back and his hands were wandering. Her mind was blissfully blank, but the blonde would be torturing herself later for giving in, for being weak. Beth did not know why, but she just needed to feel some sign of his caring for her. It came from his touch, his kiss, his embrace and the soft words being muttered into her ear when his lips finally moved from hers to her jaw, her neck, her earlobe. She was familiar with what he liked to do in a situation like this. Honestly, Beth did not care how far this went. She wanted one reminder, one memory she could hold with her. She wanted to feel him moving with her, look into his eyes and let him know that she still cared about him. His hand had just moved inside of her shirt and in typical Carter fashion, he questioned her desire for him, for this moment. Moving his head, she looked at him and muttered, “I want you, one last time.” She kissed him and that started a whirlwind of sensations, both physical and emotional. Clothes were removed, kisses were shared, as they moved together, gently, sensually, a mark of their feelings for each other, or at least that’s how Beth interpreted it. It was not a simple physical attraction. It was deeper than that and Beth held that close to her heart. A glimmer of hope was the last thing on her mind as she drifted off to sleep, his naked body pressed against hers, holding her close.

[/b][/color][/font] carter hoffman / kelley
STATUS complete
WORD COUNT twelve hundred and sixty-five
OUTFIT check it out
LYRIC CREDIT these days, rascal flatts
TEMPLATE CREDIT NIE SAYS RAWR ?! @ caution 2.0
NOTES how i have muse, iono.[/ul][/blockquote][/size][/font]

[carter anthony hoffman]

there's no excuse, no explanation, believe

[/i][/size][/font][/color]
ME IF I COULD UNDO WHAT I DID WRONG I WOULD
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
TAG: BETHANY KENNEDY . LOCATION: CARTER'S
OUTFIT: HERE . WORDS: ONE THREE ONE FIVE
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/font][/b][/center]

Scared had been the one word used to describe how Carter had felt the first time he realized he was falling for Bethany. Scared and confused. He never thought much of it though and pushed it aside just like he pushed everything else aside that he did not want to deal with. Tonight he was pushing aside the thoughts that were telling him that whatever was going to happen between them wasn’t right, that he should be the mature one and stop. Carter never really listened to the voice inside his head though and often pushed it aside, not wanting anything to do with it. In his mind it was a lot easier to pretend that everything was alright, to hide how he really felt than to actually listen to the words that that little voice in the back of his mind was telling him. Right now it was telling him to leave her in here, go to one of the guest rooms and go to bed, not sit here and entertain emotions that he knew she still had for him. Even if she tried to hide it Carter could tell that she still loved him, he could tell that she wanted him back, and that she might even need him. The words never escaped her mouth though and he knew that, he knew that no matter what they would never leave her mouth. She was a stubborn individual and always had been. He had noticed that over the past couple of years she had grown even more stubborn and stubbornness mixed with bitterness was never a good combination. In all honesty the young man just wanted to hear her tell him that she loved him and that she needed him because right now he didn’t feel that he was loved, wanted or needed by anyone. Yes he had Taryn who often showed that she wanted him physically but that was it. Yes, he had Abigail who he knew still loved him as he loved her but she wouldn’t speak anything either about how she felt.

Right now despite what was going on around them he was just focusing on the blonde haired and blue eyed beauty lying beside him. She was showing him that she wanted him and it meant a lot to him. Did he still love her? Yes, but it was nowhere near as much as he loved Abby. Did she mean a lot to him? Yes, of course she did but would he ever voice that? No, it wasn’t his place to. She had to move on from him because apart from physical comfort there was nothing else he had to offer. Carter couldn’t give her his heart because it already belonged to another, he couldn’t give her anything that she wanted in the emotion category apart from compassion and he could give her his friendship. If she needed someone to come to in the middle of the night he’d be there. If she needed someone to hold her close while she slept he’d be there. If she needed someone to talk to or someone to try to take away the pain that she was feeling, no matter what kind of pain it was, he would be there but only to give her his body. Carter knew that there was nothing he could offer her that she’d want apart from a physical act so why wasn’t he stopping himself from falling into this trap that he had made himself? As that smile crossed her face a similar one crossed him, happy to see her like that once more. “There’s that beautiful smile.

[/color]” He whispered quietly, tracing his thumb over her lips for a brief moment before moving his thumb to her cheek once again and caressing over her cheek bone. Moments later their lips were pressed together in a kiss he could tell was full of emotion from her end. Of course he returned the kiss with one of his own, one that was full of passion that he wasn’t expecting to send her way. It was like this was his way of telling her he was sorry for all the pain he caused her, that this was his way of trying to make things right and that this way of trying to tell her that he really did care about her.

As her body rolled away from his he was ready to pull away but felt her hands still on his neck and he didn’t break the kiss, he couldn’t. Moving with her Carter positioned himself so that he was now over her, his body pressed against her own. There wasn’t any space between them but he was still making sure to hold himself above her just so that it wouldn’t be uncomfortable. He wanted to feel this again; he needed to know what it was like to be wanted, to be needed once more and that was what was happening right now. As their lips continued to move together his hands traveled down her body, taking in every curve like it was the first time they had ever gotten this far when in reality it wasn’t. As his hands slipped under the shirt he had let her wear his fingers traced over her toned stomach and he could feel scars there, scars that were never there before. He didn’t question them though instead he moved his lips from her own and then continued his typical journey, letting his lips take in every part of her face. “You’re beautiful, Beth.[/color]” Were the first words to leave his mouth once his lips reached her ear. They were soon followed by “I’ve missed you.[/color]” There were other phrases that he muttered to her but none of them were lies, they were things that she needed to hear, things that he knew he should have told her long ago. Eventually he asked her if this was what she wanted and after hearing her reply his hands moved to begin removing her clothing as she did his own. The moment his shirt came off and he felt her fingers slide over the scars that he had on his torso from the car accident his lips would stop what they were doing for a brief moment, waiting for her to pull away but she didn’t and he soon continued.

Eventually he gave her what they both wanted and unlike the times he had with Taryn this had actual emotion behind it and he was showing her that he needed this. He needed her right now. Carter didn’t know why he did but he wasn’t going to question it. It was only a matter of time before they had both reached their limit and he tugged the blanket over them and pulled her close to him, wrapping his muscular arms around her tightly. Carter did not want to let her go and it was obvious by how close he was now holding her to him, how tightly his arms were wrapped around her and he fell asleep this way into a dreamless slumber. The next morning he was awoken by the small amount of light that shined through his windows and looking down he still saw her sleeping beside him, still wrapped up in the blankets and in his arms. “You mean so much to me, Bumblebee, more than you know.[/color]” He mumbled out in a whisper before letting his eyes close again as he rested his cheek against the top of her head and closed his eyes, attempting to fall back asleep. It was peaceful for now but deep down he knew that once she woke up things would probably go back to how they were the day before. That was something he was not looking forward to so he was embracing their time right now, the time that he still had to hold her in his arms.[/justify][/blockquote]

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notes: -shares cookies-

[/size][/font][/center]

[bethany paige kennedy]

i wake up and teardrops
THEY FALL DOWN LIKE RAIN. I PUT ON THAT OLD SONG...

IN his arms, Beth had the best night’s sleep she’d had in a long time. She was at ease with his body behind her. It was like it had been, despite the scars his body now contained. Her body had changed to, but besides that, it was familiar, comforting and safe. She felt like she hadn’t in so long and she wasn’t eager to leave it. She could have stayed in his embrace, but unfortunately, her anger was going to catch up with reality. She was dozing, peaceful in his arms. His mutterings stirred her, causing a small smile to spread over her delicate face. It was a true, genuine smile, one that had not been present on her features in such a long time. She was happy, but there was an inkling of a negative emotion prodding her. Regret. It was slowly building, but she was too wrapped up in her cacoon of wonderful feelings to realise what it was. As awareness was catching up with her, she felt the body holding her close, his breathing in her hair. It was even, calm, telling her that he had indeed drifted back off to sleep. She planned to, but she felt something that urged her to wake up. In her half-asleep state, she did not realise the emotions were whirring unsteadily inside of her, ready to explode. It was sudden that her eyes jumped open and her body tensed. She was in bed with Carter Hoffman. She had slept with the man that had broken her heart, who had left her for someone else. She tried to relax and calm herself, but she couldn’t. She could not think with his body so close to hers. She carefully lifted his arm, trying not to wake him. She slipped out of his embrace, taking the sheet with her, and wrapping it around her naked body. With that, she hobbled to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

LEANING against the door for a moment, she took a chance to breathe. What had she done? She had opened herself up for a lot of hurt, but she couldn’t find a hint of concern about it. She had liked what had happened. She had liked feeling his body against her and having his lips trail over her body. She had liked the scent and taste of him as she penetrated her. She had missed that and she wanted to do it again. She could have quite happily stayed in his embrace. She leaned her head back against the door and she sighed. She should not have done that. When they were back to reality, she would fall apart. He wanted Abby. She knew that. He loved Abby. Last night had been a mistake. She pushed herself off the door and she moved to the mirror. She looked at herself and she looked... happy. Despite the confusion inside of her, there was a hint of a smile, colour had returned to her cheeks and there was a sparkle in her eyes. She was happy with him. Beth realised that she did need him in her life, but she could not accept them just being friends. Her eyes observed the reflection, right down to the hickey left on her neck by him. No. This wasn’t right. She should not have been in this position. She loathed herself for allowing him to bring her to his house, to allow him to cuddle her and talk to her. She loathed herself for opening herself up to memories and for kissing him. The expression of her reflection wasn’t changing and it angered her. She could not look at it anymore and she turned and moved to the toilet. She sat on it and buried her face in her hands. What had she done?

SHE did not cry. She couldn’t have, even if she had wanted to. She just kept her face in her hands, her thoughts going berserk. Where did this put them? She knew deep down that Carter did not want anything from her. However, his kiss had shown her things his words would have never told her. Somewhere deep down, he wanted her. She was almost sure of it. That kiss contained an old spark, one she had missed desperately. The two needed to talk. Now. Beth couldn’t bring herself to ask the questions she needed to. What would happen if he still turned her down? She would be distraught and she did not want to shed any more tears because of Carter. She was content with what had happened, if not loathing herself for letting it happen. She was scared. She was ecstatic. She was disappointed in herself. It was a crazy mix of emotion and she did not know which was overwhelming the others. She just needed to think. In his bathroom with him in the next room was probably not the best idea, but she just had to. She lifted her head from her hands and her eyes fell on her forearms. Scars were all over her arms from the course of the last three years. They were signs of how much he had hurt her. Was she willing to just let that go because of one night? Her head bowed and her eyes closed. What was wrong with her? Could she just let down her guard that easily around him? He was everything to her, yes, but he had done so much damage, had changed her so much. One night of letting him in seemed to have changed that, but what would it be like when she saw him with Abby? Beth could not answer those questions. She needed answers to decide her next course of action, but she couldn’t think.

[/b][/color][/font] carter hoffman / kelley
STATUS complete
WORD COUNT nine hundred and fifty-seven
OUTFIT check it out
LYRIC CREDIT these days, rascal flatts
TEMPLATE CREDIT NIE SAYS RAWR ?! @ caution 2.0
NOTES so, this sucked.[/ul][/blockquote][/size][/font]